been awhile

so i know i've been MIA for a bit on my blog. but seeing as to how no one really bugs me about it, it just gets pushed aside... figure if ppl wanna know 'bout stuff goin on w/ me, they'll either just ask me, or start buggin me to blog about stuff more :D

anyhoo... this is what's been up as of late in point form:

1. where i've been: Hermit-land... i believe i've been crowned its queen

2. what i've been doing: eating, sleeping, breathing design... actually scratch that, there's usually not much time to eat or sleep.. so just breathing design (you get the point)

3. where i'll be: pick one of the three: TEL, mitchells, church, home (in that order)

4. what i'll be doing: trying to survive 4th year

aaaannnd that's that. i probably have a series of other things that i could blog about... but i'm not even sure if people still read this. :P guess it's one of those, should i really blog if no one reads it anyway? i mean i could just journal about the things that come to mind rather than web-posting it...we'll see what happens.

... a season of change ...
... a whirlwind of thoughts ...
... a thousand thanks ...

this past weekend has been an interesting one. lemme think of where to begin...

. . . . . . . . . .

hows about i start with the Lions 2006. we made the playoffs this year... it was the first time i've ever been in the playoffs in the senior division, so that on its own was nerve-racking. our team pulled together, really worked together and came out winning the first round. in the second round, we were the clear underdogs... if the statistics didn't prove it, the sheer size difference between ourselves and charis woulda told you so. and yet, we didn't let it get to us... we played our game and we stuck together, picking one another up when we were down, cheering one another on, and building a plethora of memories (i.e. kevin's bomb of a first-ever home run over center field)... so what if we lost by 1 in the bottom of the eighth... we gave it all we got and showed them that we were a team to contend with... :) and with being knocked out of the playoffs, that brought the 2006 season to an end. it was an honour to be a Lion this year... and i'm glad that i played with the people i played with. kinda sad to see the season end relatively abruptly, but i look forward to the 2007 season all the more. here's hoping that the friendships that began back in april/may will continue on into the next 8-9 months until the next season starts up again. :)

. . . . . . . . . .

this past friday marked the last official big group meeting of etcbc titus fellowship. it was a long evening, filled with worship, games, and sharing... a relatively warm evening as well being in the basement of the church with little to no ventilation in the room. and yet the feeling you got being in the room on that night really echoed the feeling i had when i first stepped into titus fellowship (then known simply as university fellowship) in september 2004. there was a genuine sense of love and compassion for one another... you could really see and FEEL that people cared for one another... it was one of those bittersweet nights.

lemme delve into further detail and share a bit of what's been on my heart as of late. for me, titus splitting into small groups for the coming semester really has been bittersweet. when i first walked into titus fellowship two years ago, you really could sense and see the love that people had for one another. it was so evident and it was something that i guess i never really witnessed back in my old church. it was something that really drew me into the fellowship. even the encouragement that i got that night when i shared and wanted to simply encourage the fellowship to continue to draw closer to one another, cuz what they had was really great and you could really see how God had blessed this fellowship and looked on it with great favour. for ME to get encouraged and thanked for saying that spoke volumes of the kind of care and compassion these people had for one another.

needless to say, i was quickly drawn into the fellowship and really cared for, despite not attending regularly, and not really being part of the church. i would hear on sundays how people would ask about me and be really disappointed when i wasn't there on sundays. and when i finally made the decision to come regularly to etcbc, sharing with the girls cell group and seeing their faces light up when i told them of my decision... and even getting a card encouraging me as i make the move, and sharing in the difficulty of such decision really hit home to me, being loved in such a way that i had never really experienced nor expected.

in attending etcbc regularly, and really committing more of myself and my time to titus fellowship, i have really grown to love the fellowship and the people in it. i know that differences come up and bumps in the road occur, but it really has become a place i can truly call home.. where i can be me, where i can grow, where i can be challenged, where i can be vulnerable. in the past year alone i've grown so much closer to so many brothers and sisters in Christ, and i've really been able to be in be in community with them. i really do see them as my family, and i'm so glad to be a part of a group that truly exemplifies Christ's love to one another.

and thus bringing us to the momentus occasion of friday night. this past friday was pretty much the last big group meeting of titus fellowship before we head off into our solely our small groups every week till the end of the year. while i do love my small group, don't get me wrong or anything... it was in all honesty hard for me to grasp and embrace the idea of small groups all the time. there was (and i guess sometimes still is) a very big part of me that just wants us all to stay together as a big group... that way i can still see everyone... still get that opportunity to see everyone and hang out with everyone and have the potential of growing close to everyone... not just those in my small group. i was happy being able to see people every friday AND sunday... getting to talk to them and have dinner with them and what not... and now, well with the start of small groups every week, i feel as though i'm parting with some of my family... which in essence is quite the heart-wrenching, and frightening at the same time. *single tear*

but when i step back, i realize how far titus has come in the past 3 years of it's existence. i see that this is what the fellowship needs. and while i've only been there for a year and a bit... some of the people have been there for the full three years, and they need to enter into a new chapter of fellowshipping... one that's more focused on small groups... they need to have smaller groups so that everyone can take ownership... they need to feel as though they have a voice and a purpose in the fellowship rather than just letting committee do everything. and while i have my own desires, my own needs, my own wants with regards to fellowship and titus, i need to put aside my own agenda and look to the needs of others... after all, love is sacrifice, is it not? nonetheless it's still a difficult part for me... as this was a group that i truly called my second family... something that i had been missing for much of my Christian walk... people to grow with, to learn with, to encourage, rebuke, challenge, and stretch with. but if i genuinely care for these people, then i need to lay aside my own wants and look to what they need for their walks. i need to show them the kind of love and compassion that's been shown me. i need to ... well ... be a blessing.

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the
interests of others."
- philippians 2:1-4 -

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."
- romans 12:10 -


. . . . . . . . . .

and so, as we enter another season of change (doesn't seem to long ago that i went through this season last august as well...) i want to express my thanks and gratitude to titus fellowship. as difficult as it's been for all of us... and as difficult as it is for me to let go, i know full well that God's looking at this fellowship with favour... that His anointing is with us, and that His Spirit goes before us. and while we may not see each other as frequently as we used to as a big group, my prayer is that God would continue to mold us and to draw us closer to one another within our small groups and between/across our small groups. maybe this split is even more of a challenge for us (myself in particular) to be intentional with each other. if we're to maintain relationships with those outside of our small group, we really will have to be more intentional. i'm excited to see where God is leading and what He's got in store. i'm excited to see people putting their talents and gifts to use and growing in their faith and their respective walks with our Lord... and i'm excited to hear all the stories of the awesome things that God will be doing. and so as we approach our first week of small groups... our first friday of this new chapter in titus... just wanted to end off saying (and this goes out to each and every person in titus fellowship and lions... you've made more of a difference than you know... you are more of a blessing than you know...)

"I thank my God every time I remember you."
- philippians 1:3 -

thank you

“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.”
- victor hugo

so, it's been a while since i've blogged... been a while since i've updated anything (was meaning to do one of those obligatory updates, but i never really got around to do it). so how's about i start with a mini-update and then blog more about what's been on my mind.

. . . . .

what i've been up to: softball, softball and more softball. it's been good actually being able to go practices and what not, and just spend time with the team. i'm really loving the lions... it's a different feel and a different environment from lumas, and well the entire junior division as a whole, but it's definitely a team that loves one another. and i'm grateful to be on a team that has such great chemistry and camaraderie. as willi would say... love me the lions. :D

aside from softball, been working at mitchells as usual.. not as many shifts as i'd like, but i'll take what i get. the search for another job has pretty much ceased and i'm just waiting, praying, and seeing what'll come of tuition when september rolls around. trying not to worry about it, cuz somehow, some way, God's gonna help me out with this and take care of it.

been spending more time with mmbop which has definitely been an unexpected surprise. seeing where we started back in september, i never thought this group would come to be where we are at this point in time. it's great to get together and share and eat and just BE in each other's presence. granted we're probably still not at the same level of depth as some of the other titus small groups, but to each their own... and each group is indeed different... and while we're not DEEP deep as some people put it at the beginning of the school year, we certainly have come quite a ways in terms of getting to know one another, and getting closer to one another. here's hoping and praying that God would continue to strengthen our relationships with one another and build unity within our group.

and i guess in between small group, work, softball, and church, been trying to find more intentional time to spend with people... catching up, updating, and just hanging out before september comes and we're knee-deep in school work again. think that's pretty much all i've been up to. seems like quite the uneventful, and yet somehow, my days are quite the packed and i'm rarely home on evenings cuz of all the things that are going on... strange, eh?

. . . . .

alright. so now that the obligatory update's done... onto other things. the quote that i have placed up top has been something that's kinda stuck with me since i first read it. now don't think i'm all sappy and stuff thinking all romance all the time (i know i can be a sap... but not this time! honest! :P) anyhow.. continuing on... just came back from etcbc's summer sojourn, and i must say that it was quite the different from last year. it was more church-focused and less self-focused. and yet in the midst of all the discussions about the church and unity within the church and its three (actually 4 when you count the children) congregations, i've come to a greater appreciation of the things that God has done and is doing in my life. it's probably not a coincidence considering the theme for the retreat was where have you come from and where are you going... :)

anyhow.. in the past year and a half that i've been part of this church, i can honestly say that i feel as though i've grown ten-fold. and while i'm aware that i've come quite a distance since first starting out at the church, i'm also aware that there's still miles to go and much to change/mold/improve/etc. and i think the biggest thing that i was really made aware of this past weekend is how much people seek community... how much people seek love. now i could go into how the aforementioned quote relates to God and how He loves us unconditionally, flaws and all, but i think that's too easy of a connection to make... too obvious of one. :) so bear with me as i attempt to delve elsewhere.

. . . . .

in realizing this inconsolable need people have (including myself) i came to the realization that if there's anything that i've gained in coming to east toronto, it's just that: love. right when i first stepped into titus fellowship, i knew there was something different... you could really sense the genuine love that people had for one another... and that's perhaps the reason that i continued to come back, despite being part of a different church and despite saying that i was only gonna drop by once to see people i knew and what not.

fast forwarding to my decision to actually start attending regularly... being taken care of and in a sense watched over by the pastoral staff as well as some of the young adults that i got to know really demonstrated a love to me that was unexpected.

fast forwarding even more to a year ago at last year's drama-filled summer conference.... i'm kinda grateful for all the drama that went on, cuz it really forced me to open up to some of the girls and forced me to be vulnerable with them, as there really wasn't anyone else that i could turn to (all my other close girls were back at cecc). and in taking that step and risking myself, laying all on the table, i gained precious and priceless relationships that i wouldn't trade for the world... had i a chance to do it again, i wouldn't have changed a thing, cuz it was all that soap-opera-ish drama that developed these relationships.

continuing on to the trip to nicaragua, getting to know some of the YAFers that were on the trip better and coming back and getting mentored are all blessings beyond belief. even this weekend, just getting to sit with some of the married YAFs and getting to talk to some of them, i'm grateful to be able to go to these people and talk to them like older siblings in Christ.

in realizing all these events that have unfolded in the past year and a half, i've not only come to realize how much i've grown... how much i've changed... how much i've been stretched and challenged... but i've come to really truly appreciate and rejoice in being loved. as i've gotten to know people better and gotten closer to a plethora of brothers and sisters at ET... as i've opened up myself and made myself more vulnerable, revealing my failures, flaws, sins, insecurities, and everything in between... i'm humbled to be so loved by so many. that despite knowing all these things about me that perhaps some people that i grew up with don't even know... they still love me, they still encourage me, they still spur me on to be someone better... to be who God wants me to be. i'm really awe-struck at God's provision and love that He's demonstrated through the events of the past year and a half or so... furthermore, i'm excited to see what the next couple of pages in this story that He's writing are gonna entail.

enough of a rant. if anything perhaps we should continue to take more time to reflect... to see where we've come from... where God's brought us, and perhaps start anticipating and discerning where God is leading next. :)

{ striving . yearning . seeking }

so i've been reflecting a lot in the past couple of days, just about the past year, about how different things were this time last year. been thinking about all the things that have come and gone, circumstances of joy and sorrow, times of trial and times of jubilation, and all the things that i have been taught and have learned as a result...

in all this reflecting, i've come to really see how good God really is, how much i am truly loved and cherished by Him, as evidenced by the numerous blessings that He has poured out on me. i think often times, i don't know if it's a girl thing or just a human being thing, but often times i can easily fall into the trap of thinking that i'm not as loved and cherished because i lack validation from others.... that i am easily forgotten and looked over because i usually don't feel comfortable in the limelight.... and yet, God has yet again through some prodding over the past couple of days reminded me that i am indeed loved and not forgotten... and that He sacrificed His only Son so that i could have life, and life to the fullest. life to the fullest doesn't translate into a life of lament and longing to be seen and noticed... it's a life to be lived in joy, no matter the circumstances, a life filled with blessings, ones we count and ones we don't even recognize as blessings, a life of love, to be loved and love (ultimately by the One who IS love).

i guess i can share about some of the blessings that have been given me in the past year, and how through it all, God has showered His goodness :)
- getting to know and love a fellowship and church in which i am growing and learning in abundance
- being part of a softball team last summer that allowed me to get to know some of the younger ones at church
- going to nicaragua and learning all the things that God revealed to me while i was there, falling in love with the culture and the country, getting to know the people, and developing this passion and burden to learn spanish and perhaps go back one day in the near future
- growth in my faith, and a time of great intimacy with God during a season of singleness that came with much hesitation and fear
- development of friendships and bonds with people at yccf during the school year
- development of friendships with design students that will hopefully last even after we all graduate and are "designers"
- finding brothers and sisters in Christ who watch out for and care for me, keeping me accountable, and encouraging me to grow and to learn and to pursue the path God has set out for me
- growing close to a brother in Christ who has been there for me time and again, spurring me on to greater intimacy with God, and further pursuit of personal growth
- growing closer to two sisters in Christ in particular who i can be completely real and transparent with
- finding time to spend with my life-long friend and sister, picking up where we left off
- having two close guy friends become Christian and picking up with them where we left off after graduating from high school

thank You

and so as life continues on, another year has come and gone, aside from the personal goal and theme that i set out back in january of being a blessing, here's hoping this is something else that i can keep in my head and heart...

{ striving to know Him more . yearning to love Him deeper . seeking to do His will }

geese: 4, hazel: 0
actually, i guess i might've won ONE battle...

so the other day, i got to school quite early, a good 3.5 hours or so before my class. i was really sore from playing softball over the weekend, so my intention of working out or going running at the track didn't really push through.

so anyhow, because it was such a beautiful day out, i didn't feel like cooping myself up in the ccf office, so i decided to just lie out on the grass at York and just read. after trying to sit in the shade, i got kinda cold so i opted to go out to where the sun was. now at york, there's this commons area and this grassy part that kinda look like steps by this man-made pond. and cuz it's springtime and all, there were geese in that pond... now they were just swimmin around and all, and i was reading my book... we were leaving one another alone.

AND THEN!!! i looked up and saw two of them start heading up to the grassy area, pecking around for food... they were literally at my feet. and so i decided to move over... and continue reading. then i got kinda sleepy so i kinda dozed for a bit, only to wake up to two genius girls beside who decided to FEED the geese part of their late lunch :/ and so as you can guess, the geese came looking for more food... forcing me to move again as they inched closer and closer. so i decided to just go up further on the steps and lean against the concrete wall... but then i was in the shade and i got cold, so i moved back down... again, i commenced reading and within 15-20 mins or so... they were back!!! but seeing as to how i only had about 10 mins or so left before i had to get to class, i held my ground and didn't move even when they came closer... then they just went away. :D

- - - - - - - - - - -

yes.. that's my story of my battle with the geese at york... *shakes fist*

onto other matters. my internship placement's been secured!! *happy dance ... wait no... i don't really have a happy dance* anyhow.. starting next tuesday i will be at Hi-Octane Creative on tuesdays, wednesdays, and fridays, and probably for a few hours on mondays. but the main point is... i have an internship placement!! whoo! :) and i must say that it was truly God who prepared it. cuz in all honesty, my portfolio wasn't exactly up to the caliber i woulda liked it to be... i had to cut a buncha stuff out cuz i didn't have enough time... and i was unbelievably nervous and panicky as i was heading down there. and yet, by some miracle, when i got there, just felt this inexplicable peace, and i just felt as though the placement was already secured, even prior to the first words exchanged between the creative director and myself. God's pretty funny like that.. :)

aside from internship stuff, my summer class has been going pretty well... i've decided to make my project a magazine geared towards young Christian women ideally aged 20-25. it's entitled "Joy" and my prof seems to be cool with the idea and he's quite the encouraging about making sure it turns out to be a good piece. i'm excited about it and hope that making my project about something that's pertinent to me and my life will help it to be more than just another pretty design project... hopefully i don't hit too many creative roadblocks along the way... and yes.. i know i'm a nerd... getting all excited about my projects.. :P

anyhows, things just seem to be falling into place. and as a co-worker said to me tonight, "a lotta good things seem to be happening for you, hazel"... and i agree.. and i can't attribute it to anyone but God.. it really is awesome when you let Him take the pen and write your story. :)

*overjoyed*

more than meets the eye...

as of late, i've been coming to the conclusion that if people seem to like what they see, they don't bother trying to figure out if there's more to the story. it's like they fail to realize that what is seen and what's overt is just the surface and that most often than not there's so much more going on than they are aware of... that there's a ton of hidden and underlying stuff that goes on behind close doors, away from the peering eyes of others. kinda like the whole idea that if it looks good then it must be good... right? well i beg to differ... speaking from experience, i can honestly say that there's so much that goes on in people's lives that we don't see, and it really becomes unfair when we make assumptions or judgements just based on what we observe. as much as our actions speak louder than words and reveal certain things about us, there's still much to be learned about an individual or even a situation... but we need to ask about it first. :P

----------
Oh the You would give me more patience,
Help me to be more understanding,
Teach me to forgive,
And let me be a blessing...
----------

yes... i am aware that i've just gone on a mini-rant. :) apologies... just had to get that off my chest and outta my mind. :) onto other matters... summer school has begun. taking editorial design... get to design my own magazine on the topic and genre of my choice... seems to be interesting and hopefully a course where i can get some good pieces for my portfolio. my prof is quite the interesting... he has a music and art background... really laid back... says stuff like "can you dig?" (kinda hippie-esque)... but he seems cool enough... we'll see how the rest of the classes pan out. :D

aside from that, summer is here! and well softball is here (see last entry), i'm really needing to gear down and get my internship stuff settled, secured, and done... and i need to start planning out what the rest of my summer will entail... :P but for now.. i'm enjoying the weather... and the people that God has so mercifully surrounded me with. :) and on that note...

happy 21st tray

praying that God would continue to bless you and use you in unfathomable ways... that He would continue to watch over you in all that you do... and that you would continue to be a woman after God's own heart. :) *hug*

it has begun
well it began quite a while ago, but i just haven't blogged about it :)


sun out, longer days, more free time, ... and we all know what that means... softball season is upon us yet again. but well it was never really not upon us... cuz well i go to etcbc... it's still there even in the winter time... it's just a little more dormant i guess. :P regardless, with the nice weather out, the bats are up, gear pulled out of the trunk (where it ALWAYS is with some people...:P ), cleats laced up, and everyone all set to play (despite some people still having exams. :)

this past weekend was quite the fun... good times spent with good people. funny thing is that it was fun and frustrating all at the same time... but i won't get into that... yet.. :P anyhoo, went shopping at National, got myself some new cleats... hehee... :) watched Quest for Camelot... sucha fun(ny) movie. :) and service was awesome... some good reflecting time... good praying time... good God time. :) getting off work early on saturday was awesome... especially with the rush of people buying last-minute baptism gifts... honestly, it could have arguably been more busy than Christmas eve at mitchells. :P and just bummed around at home for the rest of the day. :) and sunday was awesome, getting to see some of my highschool pplz again, seeing one of my childhood friends get baptized was truly encouraging and brought much joy, meeting up with my ET family was really awesome... felt very much loved and included :), and playing softball with them was just as much fun (although i realized how extremely rusty i am)... and finishing the evening off with dinner with my new softball team (seniors... oh my), playing bomber man on the 'screen' with the projector.. hehe ... good times!

and there's the brief update of this weekend. as for the days/weeks before that and after my previous post... i've gotten all my projects done, so i've officially finished 3rd year of the York/Sheridan design program... and i've pretty much just been bumming around and working at good ol' mitchells. still gotta get my portfolio organized and my internship stuff figured out and out of the way... so that's on the current agenda. been missing time spent with my girls... cuz everyone's still in exams. :( but i'm sure we'll have time after, right? right?? :P

summer's a-coming... and i think i've already blogged about it before, but this is what i've got set for this summer... so far...
- Editorial Design (may-june)
- Habitat Blitz Build (june)
- ETCBC Lions (may-august)
- Internship (sometime during the summer *fingers crossed*)
- Mitchells (may-august)

and that's pretty much it. :)

it's gonna be okay ...

ever feel as though you're in the dark about things? you don't really know what the next step is in life ... or what to do in particular situations... it's funny cuz in those times, we usually either a) try to fix things ourselves, and take numerous stabs in the dark in attempting to figure out what the right choice is... or b) we go running to God asking for answers, for some revelation of what He wants us to do and where He wants us to go. the thing is though, that either way, whether we tend to go with option a or option b, we want a speedy solution. and even when we choose option b and we say that we'll wait on God for His timing and His answer, we tend to still want to know what to do now and what course of action to take NOW... otherwise we're left kinda groping in the dark some more until we feel God has decided to bestow some sort of wisdom upon us.

so today i was reading through Job 38 where God finally speaks and replies to Job whose been asking for answers as to why such bad things are happening to him. and God in His Sovereignty replies with His own set of questions displaying His marvelous nature, being God and all. (you should read through it, it's pretty interesting..)

in this quest for answers or for some shedding of light, some wisdom and understanding, sooner rather than later (emphasize on the sooner), God replies with:

"Who endowed the heart with wisdom
or gave understanding to the mind?"

- job 38:36

and i guess in that sense it's almost as if God's saying, "who are you to be telling me when i should give you an answer?"... seems kinda harsh i know, but this is God talking... like really, who ARE we to be asking God to tell us stuff and imposing a time frame on Him? (even if it's requesting for it to be sooner rather than later) not to say that we can't ask God to reveal stuff to us, cuz we should be able to, but at the same time, when He doesn't respond all too quickly, we need to learn to just sit, and be patient, and to truly just TRUST... have faith that He knows what's going on and take comfort that the Creator of the entire universe, from the stars in the heavens to the depths of the seas is concerned about you and your life, and He's got everything in control.... and thus, although we're in the dark about things in life, all we need to do is cling onto Him and He'll pull us through, and He'll show us things and reveal things and ultimately anoint us with wisdom and understanding about our circumstances when He sees fit. cuz well.. He's God.

... the bubble ...

population: 1

it's been a good two weeks since i've blogged, and perhaps this entry will explain a little of why. as of late, i've been finding myself retreating more and more into my own little world, preoccupied with my own mini-dramas, and well hiding more and more in my schoolwork. i can't precisely pinpoint as to why i've taken on this defense mechanism/retreat strategy, but over the past two weeks or so, i've been quite the self-absorbed and self-involved. while others may argue that well, everyone needs time to themselves and everyone needs their space, i think there are times that i use this excuse all too conveniently... and in light of the school year winding down and projects piling on, i've been able to justify this retreat into my tiny little corner of the world, my hermit/design bubble as i like to call it, and just avoid all the other issues going on in life.

as a result i've lost sight of those around me, the goings on in their lives and the responsibility that's been entrusted to me by God to consider others better than myself, be involved in the lives of others, and to take care of those He has blessed me with. to those of you whose lives i've kinda missed out on, i sincerely apologize and i promise to try harder.

what's funny is that despite my retreating tendencies, the people with whom i have been blessed (sometimes the ones that i kinda run away from) with continue to poke and prod at my world, trying to get into it, pursuing me, and being concerned. while i am completely undeserving in light of the explanation i gave above about my self-absorption, these people pursue me endlessly, refusing to let me dwell in my hermit/design bubble. and i know that i've gotten into the unhealthy phase of the school year in which i stay up till who knows when working on projects and what not, not eating all that often due to a lack of time, and isolating myself from others... and i know that i've sent a bunch of you who read this into a world of worry over me and well to those of you who refuse to let me dwell in my own little world apart from everyone else, and who continue to worry and care about me... i thank you, and i pray that i can be a blessing to you too (and i'll try to be healthier :P )

and well here's the clincher... i've been meaning to blog about this for quite some time now, but well involving myself in nothing more than me and the goings-on of my world, i haven't... until well, now... and that's cuz of what hit me this morning while reading the good ol' Bible...

""Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your paneled houses, while this house remains a ruin?"Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways."

haggai 1:4-5

(n.b. "this house" refers to God's temple which was still lying in ruins at the time of haggai, after the Israelites returned from being exiled to Bablyon) .

... talk about humbling. being so involved in my own "house", i've come to neglect the priorities God has set before me through the people He has placed in my life... think it's time to re-commit & re-focus, as difficult as it may be to face life, think it's what God calls us to do, as we aren't given a spirit of timidity, but one of power.

*pop*

"... the first moments ..."

and so i haven't blogged in a REALLY REALLY long time. not that nothing's been going on, or that i haven't had anything to say... just that things for the past couple of weeks have been quite the whirlwind... school, church, fellowship, friends, etc. overall things have been alright... pretty good.. great... good times with friends and family... but i'll go into a more detailed update in a bit.

i figure that you all probably thought this would be something mushy and sappy in light of the title of the blog... but don't be fooled... i'm not that much of a sap (hahah.. yah right. :P) ANYways... continuing on... reason for the blog title: for lent, i'm choosing to...

give up whatever i normally do during the first waking moments of my day and spend it in quietness with my Lord and Saviour.

...whether that be schoolwork, extra sleep, msn-ing, or tv-ing, etc. i'm choosing to give that up and spend it in the arms of the One who loves me... reading more of His letter to me, and discovering more of who He is... and well essentially falling more and more in love with Him, knowing that He's got my best interests in mind and that i need not worry about any of that stuff, cuz well, He's in control of it anyway. :)

in addition, in light of today's "Ash Sunday" message, i figured that i needed to do something more than just lenting those first moments, spending it just talking with God about me, myself, and i. i felt as though God has blessed me with so many individuals, so many friends, both Christian and non-Christian, that i really shouldn't take these blessings for granted. and so i'm committing to...

pray for the people that have been placed in my life, by name and specifically, lifting them up at the beginning of the day into God's hands.

... i know that there are probably more practical ways to show these people that i appreciate them, but in light of time constraints and difficulties getting together with these people, i thought at the very least i could commit to praying for them... and like REALLY praying for them, not just casually mentioning them.

and so that's what i'll be up to for the next 40 days... well less than that now. and i found that in doing this it'll really just put everything else in my life in place... forcing me to time manage better, and prioritize better... :)

<>< <>< <><

okay.. update time... what's gone on in the past couple of weeks:

v-day: good times spent with great friends... playing gender gap, bbq-ing insanely large steaks and playing the bible game on ps2... hahaha.. yay!!

ccf retreat 2006: i love ccf, i truly do, and have missed these people so much over the past semester that i've been unable to be there. putting together the handbook was quite the ordeal, but it's done, and it looked decent... so meh. :) i thought that i would get more quiet time at retreat to just be on my own, reflecting, etc. but God had other things in store... He planned for some awesome conversations, and awesome catching-up time with brothers and sisters and i couldn't have asked for anything better... learned what my love languages were... quite the funny actually... there are only five, and here's how they ranked:

1st place: words of affirmation & quality time
2nd place: acts of service, receiving gifts, & physical touch.

and there you have it... 1st and 2nd finish for all five gifts.. don't really know what that says about me.. hahaha... but yes.. anyway, great times at retreat, got closer to a bunch of people, and got saved by a brother who was willing to get my glasses that i so intelligently left at home... hahaha.. all so that i wouldn't be as blind as a bat on the last night of retreat. :P

post-reading week: things have just been flat out awesome. despite the busy-ness of school, it's been great just talking to people more and hanging with people more. i've come to really appreciate the sisters that have been placed in my life, that help keep me sane, help keep me accountable, and keep them boys away ;) hahaha... j/k there are no boys :P life has just really been peachy :D it's been a while since i've felt so solid in where i am in my faith, my relationship with God, and so unbelievably happy in where i am with my relationships with others. of course there are still the ups and downs and highs and lows, but that hasn't really phased me cuz i have such phenomenal people in my life. things have been good.. hahaha.. that's the best way i can describe it, even though it's quite the understatement. :P

summer planning: i really have no clue. i'm done school by the beginning of april, and i essentially have 5 months of summer, save the 3 weeks i have to do my design internship... which i'm still yet to get a jump on... but aside from that i really don't know what's up this summer.. figure softball's a given, summer school's a maybe, and missions is a possibility, but probably something more local and less costly. i'll of course be living at mitchells again.. unless i magically find some other job... and hoping that i scrounge up enough money this summer to pay for school next year. :)

and that's that really.. if you wanna know more details about what's been up with me, shoot me a msg on msn or if you people that are lenting msn wanna know more, shoot me an email. :) hazel.faith@gmail.com...

for now, i need to go to sleep. i should get some work done tmw morning before class. :) i'll try to blog more often. :P

random question: what makes Lays Stax different from Pringles?

* comfort *


can you tell what this blog's gonna be about? :) anyways, been meaning to do this for quite some time now, but never really got the chance to just sit and actually DO it. and so in light of the beginning of reading week before i tackle the rest of life, i shall sit and blog a bit. :) let us begin, shall we?

beginning i guess with the revelations that i came upon after a mentoring session recently... we covered the parable of the sower in mark 4... and the one thing that stood out to me the most was this:

"Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times." ...

...Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown."

- mark 4:3-8, 15-20 (nkjv)

i've found that i can really relate to the seed falling among thorns. not that that's where i'm at all the time i guess, but most of the time... there are so many worries, so many distractions, so much drama that happens in my life, that at times it causes me to become unfruitful. i spend so much time thinking about it, and the confusion that comes out of it (see previous post) consumes my mind so much that it renders me useless for other things that are more important in life... quite the eye-opening... continuing on...

as of late, i have read through a few of the chapters in hosea. for those of you who don't know... hosea was a prophet back in the old testament who was called by God to marry a prostitute and to continue to love her and forgive her despite her infidelities. this was meant to model God's relationship with the nation of Israel, who continually betrayed God and worshipped false idols.... and well i would like to argue that this particular chapter in hosea may be one of the most romantic chapters in the Bible... maybe even more so than the ones that exist in Song of Songs...

When Israel was a child,
I loved him,
and I called
my son out of Egypt.

But as the saying goes,
"The more they were called,
the more they rebelled." They never stopped offering
incense and sacrifices
to the idols of Baal.

I took Israel by the arm
and taught them to walk.
But they would not admit
that I was the one
who had healed them.

I led them with kindness
and with love,
not with ropes.
I held them close to me; I bent down to feed them.

But they trusted Egypt
instead of returning to me;
now Assyria will rule them.

War will visit their cities,
and their plans will fail.

My people are determined
to reject me for a god
they think is stronger,
but he can't help.

Israel, I can't let you go.
I can't give you up.
How could I possibly destroy you
as I did the towns of Admah
and Zeboiim? I just can't do it.
My feelings for you
are much too strong.

Israel, I won't lose my temper
and destroy you again.
I am the Holy God--
not merely some human,
and I won't stay angry.

I, the LORD, will roar like a lion,
and my children will return,
trembling
from the west.

They will come back,
fluttering like birds from Egypt
or like doves from Assyria.
Then I will bring them
back to their homes.
I, the LORD, have spoken!

- hosea 11:1-11 (cev)

it marvels me how much God really loves us. this past week, i've come to realize the shortcomings we as Christians, as humans, have, and generally my own weaknesses. and yet, God speaks to us and says that He can't let us go, can't give us up, cuz He feels so strongly for us. now i know He specifically refers to Israel, but i would like to believe that we are just as and maybe even more so precious to Him as Israel was then, at the time of Hosea.

and well in relation to the previous passage i've posted (sorry this is lengthy) it's even more amazing and ultimately comforting that despite getting caught up in the worries/distractions/drama (both necessary and unnecessary), God still refuses to give up on us. He still refuses to give us up and let us deal on our own... and well from what i got from communion this morning, He still desires to be right with us... pursuing us with a love that is un-ending, incomparable, and incomprehensible. with the coming of the infamous valentine's day... maybe these are the Words that we should have resounding in our heads, the Words that we hide in our hearts, the Words that give us that tingly feeling inside, and ultimately the relationship we really need to pursue and pay attention to...

"[insert your name here], I can't let you go.
I can't give you up... I just can't do it.
My feelings for you are much too strong."

- God

* perpetual confusion *

i realize that i haven't updated in a while... my apologies. the workload at school is exponentially increasing, and to top it all off, the past couple of weeks have been quite drama-filled... (hazel's life = living soap opera) ... and so let's say blogging hasn't exactly been top priority.

anyhoo, what is there to say. after some time to finally sit and figure out what's going on in my life, i have come to realize that i am confused... again... then again, maybe i was never not confused before :P continuing, i think confusion is so familiar to me that it's like my best friend... well confusion and a few other emotions as well :/ but confusion mostly... :) confusion about what, you ask? well... everything really... school, future, career... more recently, certain relationships, certain situations, and what God wants me to do/learn through all this. i had kinda thought (and hoped) that with the coming of the new year, and some good solid talks over the break that things would be better and fresh for 2006... only to find that confusion is still something that has continued to linger in my life. meh... guess i just gotta find a way to deal, and not let that bombard me and distract me from some of the more important things in life: good ol' design projects. :P (oh! and other stuff.. like ccf, titus, etc. :P )... yes i know, i hide behind my projects and schoolwork to avoid touchy, sensitive issues. :/

aside from that, i've been learning a lot through the people around me. been hanging around with design peoples more... being at sheridan all wednesday and all, it's nice to have friends that are outside the Christian circle... i really enjoy and value that time that i get to spend with them. :) furthermore, having people reach out to me and contact me (from ccf, titus, etc) has also been quite encouraging and uplifting. oh! and in light of all the soap-opera-ish drama that has occured in my life as of late... just wanted to drop my words of thanks to those who have kinda been helpin me through.. not to say that it's all well and good now, but dunno where i'd be without you peoples to support and listen to me. :P

"An anxious heart weighs a man down,
but a kind word cheers him up."

- proverbs 12:25 -

thanks for all your kind words :)

don't want this to get too long... got quite the eventful couple of weeks ahead of me... chinese new year celebration at my house on sat (first time ever!)... winterlicious on monday (at least that's the plan, unless my group project thwarts that plan)... CCF retreat coming up quick... and starting summer plans.. with internship and what not... :/ so essentially, what i'm trying to do after the difficult week that i've had is: re-focus... and try to do what's right... and just let time heal all wounds i suppose. :/

anyhow, that's about all for now... hope to have something more substantial to read next time around. :) this was kinda just the vent, no-point kinda blog. heheh.

random question: how do they make rumble strips on the highway?

be a blessing ...

alright, so this is much overdue, but let's just say that much thought was needed before any conclusions were reached. :) anyhoo... a new year is upon us... the new school semester has begun (well at least for us yorkies) and things are well... different. here are some comparisons...

last semester: went to ccf every wednesday and pretty much hung out in the office all day on wednesday; had work on monday and tuesday, school from wednesday to friday; saw ET brothers & sisters throughout the week pretty much and got some good talking times; had a lot of studio courses... 3 to be exact, and one psych course; had one exam (psych exam)

this semester: will be at sheridan every wednesday for pretty much the entire day; working tuesdays and thursdays with school on MWF; won't see much of ET people, save fridays and maybe thursdays if i can make it down for TLT; just 2 studio courses, 2 lecture courses, but all of them are design courses; no exams

and so just scheduling wise, it's already quite different. hopefully this semester turns out just as well as last semester. guess my only fear is that in not being able to spend as much time with ccf pplz and ET pplz throughout the week, i might lose touch with them and the friendships that were built up from september to december will slowly drift in the coming months. i really do hope and pray that's not the case though... but sometimes the pessimistic side of me wins out and things don't look so cheery *sigh*.

despite the pessimism, i'm trying to stick to something that i wanted to be my motto/theme/mantra if you will for the year 2006: be a blessing . i fully believe that when God blesses us, we need to be a blessing to others... however that may be... it may be just giving words of encouragement, being a listening ear, helping out where help is needed, or even simply praying for a person... but whatever it is, i want to be a blessing to others. the way i see it, it's like a cycle... God blesses us, we bless others, we in turn are blessed by God through others. make sense? if not, then ask me... i'll draw you a pretty diagram. :) and so that's what i'm hoping for this year... something to keep in my mind and heart.

other new year's resolutions:

- be more intentional in my relationships with others
- get to know design kiddies better
- exercise/work out more; get into a better sleeping schedule
- pray more, read more, train more
- fall deeper in love with Him ... reading more of His Word

that's pretty much it i think.. there are probably more, but these are the ones that came to mind.... i'm kinda both anxious and excited for the new year.. just cuz the past year was quite the tumultuous one... filled with much drama and much change... and so who knows what the coming year will bring. but above all, i know whose in control and that worrying won't really do much of anything... and so i'm trying to be as excited as i can be... trying to put aside the pessimism and find joy in each day, in each person, in each circumstance... and well, just overall learning to be a little more thankful.

random question of the day: why does the sky turn pink at night when it's about to snow?